We did it.

Me, you, your mothers and fathers, your sisters and brothers, your sons and daughters, even our ancestors who fought through blood, sweat and tears to achieve this moment … we all did it.

Early this morning – after a week of stress, uncertainty and frustration, which capped off 10 months of the same – the 2020 U.S. Presidential Elections was called for President-elect Joe Biden and Vice-president-elect Kamala Harris.

We did it.

For most of this year, we as Americans have dealt with the loss of so many great people who enlightened, entertained, educated, inspired and who gave us hope. Since March, we have dealt with a virus that the current administration has widely ignored and/or downplayed. Since April, most of the country has been required to quarantine, work remotely, wear a mask and social distance. In May, the world watched George Floyd lose his life by the hand of another … the straw that broke open wide the camel’s back of hate, systemic racism and injustice on all levels.

And for almost four years we’ve been pushed back into a closet, our voices were muted, the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, our religious/faith-based beliefs and our desires to finish building a union where everyone was truly treated equally was laughed at, looked down on and threatened. But no more.

We did it.

But there is oh so much more to do.

Read more at https://bit.ly/36fLTyB

The sadness of it all

Where do I even begin?

Like many people across the country, I've just finished watching the first of three U.S. Presidential debates between the current Commander-in-Chief and former Vice-president Joe Biden. The worst thing about the debate is I don’t feel glad or mad. 

I feel sad.

I'm sad that two men wanting to lead America for the next four years, at minimum, acted less than presidential. And although I expected Trump to do so, I am shocked at some of the things that came out of his mouth. 

Probably the most appalling – and telling – was his response to if he would denounce white supremacists and tell them to stand down. His response was not being able to speak to a specific group or say exactly who these hateful individuals are, yet telling "them" to "stand back and stand by."

Stand back and stand by?!

If you do not understand what is wrong with his answer, then you are not my friend. Period. It was this statement that did it for me. It was this statement that my anger, my shock, my feigned disbelief ... it all turned to sadness. Not just for this statement, but for how Trump has handled everything he has ever put his finger on.

As we now know, this man who claims to care about human lives, made (and continues to make) poor decisions regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. The 19 is not the number of "covids" we've seen – like what former counsel to the president Kellyanne Conway once stated on air – but that it was identified in 2019. And to believe that the leader of the free world had little knowledge of it until March 2020 is ignorant. And because of his decisions, I am impacted in a way in which I never thought I would be.

For the first time in my 59 years, it has been 366 days since I've been able to hug my Mom. 

Because the president mishandled so many things early on so as to not make us "panic," I am having to experience a different type of loss from the woman who has always been there for me. I was unable to be by her side during a schedule surgery in April nor during eight weeks of radiation that followed. And there are other things I've missed – like everyone else – but all I can say is thank God (and Apple) for Facetime.

I know and empathize with everyone who won't be able to hug a loved one ever again ... but my frustration comes from the fact that we should not even be sad. 

But we are.

Just do the right thing

I found this meme a couple months ago and like many who share my view of trump, I found it humorous. I was saving if for a #LateNiteFunny for this reason, but sadly it is no longer funny.

#ICYMI, the leader of the United States of America publicly said Wednesday, he "would not guarantee a peaceful transition of power should he lose, undermining a bedrock of American democracy." In fact, he has said or implied the same several times since July.

What we see happening in the White House, in our communities, across the country ... none of it is funny anymore. And what we ALL need to do is forget partisan allegiances and really go deep inside and ask ourselves:

1. If all labels and politics are stripped away, is this a man whose actions and views I really want to support?

2. Is this a person I would want to work for, hang out with on the weekend or invite into my family's home?

3. Do I really, truly understand that the comments, tweets, etc., he continues to share for all to see are racist, homophobic and filled with hate for people he doesn't even know personally (but I may) and go against what my God has taught me all my life?

Ladies and Gents ... we no longer have two political parties that may not agree, but who work together for A BETTER GOOD. What we have is one person who is being backed into a corner, is scared and has demonstrated a desire to "rule" not run this country under a democracy. And those two parties? There members are filled with so much fear for what they may lose in taking action versus what the country may lose if this continues.

Go ahead stick by your party, but when you vote, do the right thing. For the lives of our children, communities, country and world, just do the right thing. No one has to know unless you tell them.

No one has to know ... but God/Your Higher Power. And He/She/They is the ONLY one you have to answer to.

#my25cents

#realtalk

https://stpminute.blogspot.com/

 

And Justice for ALL

"Nothing is ever what it seems but
everything is exactly what it is." - B. Banzai

Have you seen them?

The "Blacks for Trump" signs that are literally popping up behind the Republican presidential candidate as he moves from state to state, hoping to convince enough of America that he is the right choice to lead this country for the next four years.

It's not bad enough that pictures and news videos like this show all or predominately white audiences holding these signs, it's the URL at the bottom of signs that we need to worry about.

According to Right Wing Watch - a project of People For the American Way dedicated to "monitoring and exposing the activities and rhetoric of right-wing activists and organizations in order to expose their extreme agenda," there's more than an attempt at unity behind these signs:

"As it turns out, GodS2.com is the website of a religious movement that focuses on issues such as 'Rockerfeller is Nimrod King of The Canaanites & SAUD The King Of The Ishmaelites Masonic Illuminati Trilateralist Big Banks KKK,'" according to RWW.

This is the bigger issue in this year's election.

Mind over matters

"Yes, ALL lives matter

But we're focused on the black ones right now, OK?

Because it is very apparent that our judicial system 

doesn't know that.

Plus if you can't see why we are exclaiming 

'#BlackLivesMatter' - you are part of the problem."

Read this carefully. 

Read it slow; read it twice.

This is not a statement on exclusivity ... it's a call for equality; a cry for justice; it's a simple statement that if read without ANY prior prejudices, is straight to the point.

#Preach.

For those of you who know me, you know hate is not a part of my vocabulary. I see color ... you are a liar if you say you don't ... but it doesn't matter to me. That is until ANY color is being mistreated, ignored, attacked or killed. 

And when several individuals are being targeted - intentionally or unintentionally - and they are all the same color ... Houston, we have a problem.

Tonight ... it's Dallas where there is a problem. On Wednesday, it was Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and then St. Anthony, Minnesota. Last month it was Orlando. And the list goes on.

But when will it stop?

I'm the first person to stand behind the oh-so-popular, knee-jerk response that "ALL lives matter!" And if you're in agreement that all live matters, then you should be able to put your fears, biases, ignorances and/or any other condition that prompts you to reply how important ALL lives are to understand the racism scab has been scratched and is oozing a nasty puss that is poisoning those who are too selfish or too fearful to step outside their own skin to ask themselves, "How would I feel inside another person's skin?"

How would I feel if I was part of one of the LGBTQ communities?

How would I feel as a person of color?

How would I feel embracing a different faith? And the list goes on.

Now ask yourself, "How would I feel being a black person - an African-American individual - this very moment?"

And if you still can't see why we are exclaiming "Black Lives Matter" - you are - sadly - part of the problem.

UNAPOLOGETIC REFLECTIONS: Over being over it

(Unedited)

The President is on TV right now.

Both Barack Obama and Vice-president Joe Biden are sharing with the media their thoughts and emotions after visiting the families of those who are victims of Sunday’s attack in Orlando.

Forty-nine killed. Another 53 are injured; many still in critical and grave conditions.

I’m half paying attention. I know I should listen intently, but I’m tired of listening.

Tired of listening to details of the attack. Tired of hearing why Omar Mateen did - or why he didn’t - carry out this act. Tired of feeling helpless … tired of all the hate.

Part of me says it’s time to move on. Let’s send well wishes, pray for all involved, but it’s time to move on to our lives and the next big story.

Unfortunately, this has become our lives and it will continue to be the next big story.

Equality, gun control, fighting ISIS and more don’t matter as much as not fearing our lives and the next big story. We all fear something, but when that fear is not conquered, understood and/or not given ANY power, it is one step away from hate.

And hate is just another word for “evil.”

There will always be an “evil” (ISIL, KKK) that is able to gather others to carry out his or her hate and fears.

Take away guns and/or limiting them will only illicit anger and hate, prompting “evil” to use other methods of annihilation.

And on the day when race and ethnicity don’t matter anymore and people can live their lives without sexual-orientated or religious persecution, there will be someone who finds hate in another for anything that makes them different … for something that he or she fears.

My words may sound dark and all doom and gloom, and they definitely don’t flow with my journalistic thinking, but we must push below the surface to where love exists as hate.

"This was an act of terrorism, but it was also an act of hate,” Obama said during the presser. “It’s a time we reflect on how we respect each other … .” 

 We can’t keep “moving on.” Because if we do, we forget how powerful hate - and fear - really is.

We always do.

The kitchen is open for business

I'm baaaack!

Yes, it's been awhile since I've posted here, but my writings, reflections and pot stirring continue on and in other forums and spaces.

What brings me back to this page, you ask? Well ... maybe you didn't; but I did ask myself, "Why now?"

A lot has happened to me personally and professionally over the past two years. New clients came and others ... well, we parted ways. I was blessed with my first grandchild - a boy - while I lost several friends and loved ones, including my father. And then there was a serious injury, a result of my clumsiness some say, that dragged me to a new low.

It was the latter that helped me to turn around inside the tunnel I had created and begin to move towards the light instead of away from it. And boy ... what you can see when light is shown on it is pretty interesting.

But let's save those shiny gems for my return to the blogosphere. 

There is more than enough going on in the world around us to keep me busy with reflection, analysis, opinion and scrutiny. So strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. 

The societal stew is a brewing and Momma is ready to stir it up.

Rest in Peace, Dori

On Tuesday, I lost someone who was more than a journalism colleague. She also was a mentor and a dear friend.

Dori J. Maynard, president of the Robert C. Maynard institute for Journalism Education and longtime champion of diversity in journalism and civic life, died at her West Oakland, California, home. She was 56; The cause of her death was complications from lung cancer.

"Maynard advocated tirelessly for the future of the institute and its programs, reminding all that the work of bringing the diverse voices of America into news and public discourse is more vital than ever," wrote Richard Prince in his column for the Maynard Institute. "Under her leadership, the Institute has trained some of the top journalists in the country and helped newsrooms tell more inclusive and nuanced stories. New programs are empowering community members to voice the narrative of their own lives. On the morning of her death, she was discussing plans with a board member to help the institute thrive and to attract funding to support that work."

This is such shocking and sad news. I can honestly say I feel like a piece of me is gone.

As a former city editor for the Oakland Tribune - the paper her father, Robert C. Maynard, was once publisher of, and a past fellow of the Maynard Media Academy at Nieman Foundation at Harvard University, I came to know Dori as a kind, soft spoken, yet vibrant journalist. We grew closer in the years following her husband's death in 2008 and were proud to share a birthday week together.

Each semester, I introduce my students at Arizona State University's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communications to the Maynard Institute Fault Lines - an innovative diversity training program, which "teaches participants how to leverage workplace diversity into a better connection with a company's audience and increased productivity." Ironically, that particular class will be this Monday.

I will truly miss the conversations we used to have about media and life in general and the work we did together on the Chauncey Bailey Project. I am honored to have been part of such an important part of journalism history and to share this with Dori and the others who became one of my journalism "families."

Dori J. Maynard was a woman who was in a league of her own and deserves all the accolades, honor and respect she has and undoubtedly will continue to receive.

Thank you, Dori, for our wisdom, support and friendship. I love you ... Rest in Peace. 

Learn more at http://mije.org.

Labeling in the name of hate

Sunday morning, on “This Week with George Stephanopoulos,” the respected newsman asked Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson why his agency and President Obama shied away from the term “Islamic extremism” and “Islamic terror,” referring instead to it as “violent extremism.”

“There's no question that these groups like al Shabaab and ISIL are driven by theology, are driven by their view of Islam, however perverted it may be,” Stephanopoulos said. “Why not call it that? And does it undermine our strategy not to label it clearly?”

Johnson quickly shot back.

“First, whether it's called Islamic extremism or violent extremism, groups like ISIL, ISIL in particular, represent a very dangerous terrorist organization and a serious potential threat to homeland security.”

“Now I have to say, when I travel around the country and meet with Muslim leaders in this country, in these engagements that I have, they all tend to say pretty much the same thing, which is that ‘ISIL has hijacked my religion,’” Johnson explained “And so in my view, if we start referring to ISIL as occupying any form of the Islamic theology, we're pretty much dignifying them as occupying some form of that faith.

“… Islam is about peace and brotherhood. There are 1.6 billion Muslims in this world and the true Islamic faith has nothing to do with what ISIL represents. And so to start labeling them as Islamic or Islamic State in any respect, I think gives them far more dignity than they deserve.”

I don’t think I could have said it better myself. And it does not undermine any strategy, as Stephanopoulos queried.

Actually, what it does is incite hate.

Why are so many people insistent on religiously labeling violent killers? Yes, members of ISIL refer to themselves as Islamic, but when we refer to them as such, in conjunction with terrorism, it’s like creating a double negative. Most of the world disagrees with its ideology, so why bestow on the group a faith that is about positivity?

In this country, we – and some media – feel the need to label a person. The “black man … ,” the “Mexican woman … ,” the “Muslim crowd … .” For the most part, the descriptions are often accurate, but it is how and when they are used. Too often, it is when another descriptive could be used, which won’t push a stereotype on the individual (s) or said group.

We as humans – especially those who profess to any faith, religion and/or spirituality – love to use words like “peace, kindness and unconditional love” in the name of a Higher Power. But with our beliefs come a level of responsibility that requires us to teach right from wrong … not just go along with the crowd.

ISIL has hijacked a religion to gain followers and in exchange, has poisoned the minds of individuals who are ignorant, prejudice and who just don’t understand the true meaning of love and acceptance. When we buy into terrorist self-prophecies, we are fueling our own fears and unknowingly supporting their “cause.”

And the seed of hate is planted. Just that easy.

The power of the womb

I was sitting in church Sunday, listening to the reverend talk about how she had learned of a woman in San Mateo who was teaching pregnant women how to play the piano. 

The learning of this new skill was for much more than to pick up a new talent; the theory behind her classes was that her students would then deliver babies who would begin life with an affinity to music. 

The idea that fetuses can hear and learn certain sounds has proven to be true. Nursery rhymes, certain vowel sounds and most importantly, a mother’s voice, do indeed influence a baby once it is born. 

And if nurtured properly, the can produce young, bright children who have the capability of leading healthy, successful and happy lives. 

In August, a new study was published in he “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,” showing that “a fetus can detect and remember discrete words.” 

“The fetal learning capabilities are much more specific than we thought,” said study co-author Eino Partanen, a cognitive neuroscientist at the University of Helsinki. “Once we learn a sound, if it’s repeated to us often enough, we form a memory of it, which is activated when we hear the sound again.”

Hmmm … this got me thinking … maybe one way to deal with youth truancy, incarceration and recidivism is to create what I’m going to call “Womb Cultivation.”

Read more at The Post News Group ...

Oh Religious Right … when will you learn?

(Editor's note: A short time ago - about 6 p.m. MST - Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer veteod SB 1062.)

On Thursday, the Arizona state Legislature passed SB 1062 – a bill that would allow business owners to deny service to gay and lesbian customers (among others) on the grounds that the owner’s religious rights would be violated in serving the customer.

The chance that if signed into law large corporations and businesses would dare embrace this clear form of discrimination is slim to none. But all other business owners throughout the state would be free to hide behind his or her faith to single out individuals whose sexual orientation is different from his or hers.

Now I’m sure you’re asking yourself why I am once again mentioning the Grand Canyon State in my column.

For starters – and I hate to say it – Arizona has become somewhat of a joke in the world of politics. On top of that, our neighbor to the southeast has done nothing but be a source of humiliation and disappoint for numerous residents, non-residents and those who have seen what good the state does have to offer.

But primarily, I bring up AZ’s latest political faux paux because of two little words: Proposition 8.

Say 'no' to black-face costumes by staying silent

Earlier today, I posted the following on my personal Facebook page:

No surprise ... it is getting mixed reviews.

I understand Halloween is known for being creative - more so in recent years - but does creativity mean you poke fun at someone? Does it mean you take what is historically a racially insensitive act to prove how little our country has moved forward when it comes to racial equality and acceptance?

Blacks, gays and the Black Panther Party

In June, shades – Celebrating All Women of Color –Magazine (of which I am CEO/Editor-in-Chief) served as a media sponsor for the 2013 San Francisco Pride Celebration and Parade. Now heading into its 44^th year, the nonprofit organization continues to educate and positively highlight the heritage and culture of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities around the globe.

We were impressed by the way the organization embraced more than its “historically” white, male members. The group reached out to the LGBT and ally communities – all under the supervision of then-Board President Lisa Williams, an African-American lesbian (she is currently the Interim CEO of the organization).

Recently a friend shared an article with me that gave me a new respect for SF Pride and its work to bring people together and the work of other organizations that strive to break down the barriers that many in society still try to build up.

The article, “The Women's Liberation and Gay Liberation Movements,” is a 1970 speech
given by Huey Newton, founder of the Black Panthers. It appeared on the “Sons of Malcolm” blog by Sukant Chandan.

Did you know the Black Panther Party marched in the first SF gay parade? Are you aware that despite his personal questions on why a person may be “homosexual,” Newton understood that a person’s human rights outweighs how he or she is viewed by society.

Life changing experiences

The case has gone to the jurors.

In a matter of days (or possibly weeks) the world will learn the fate of George Zimmerman, 29, a former neighborhood watch coordinator who shot and killed Trayvon Martin - the Florida teen who was walking home on Feb. 26, 2012. 

Zimmerman's lawyer says no matter the verdict, "his (client's) life will never be the same."

‪#‎Seriously‬?!

What about Tracy Martin and Sabrina Fulton? They lost a son and for more than a year have been part of a media "circus" they never asked for. 

What about Jahvaris Fulton? The 22-year-old lost a brother and was "forced" to take the stand and listen to screams and yelling on the 911 tape of the shooting. Fulton - who like his parents identified the screams as Trayvon's - said he’d heard Trayvon yell before, “but not like that.” 

And what about the uncountable young black boys across the country who look to their own parents for reassurance that an incident like this will never happen to them.

I met Trayvon's family a few months after his death and although I don't know what they were like before that fateful day, I am still haunted by the sense of loss I felt as I held Sabrina Fulton's hand. And more than anything, I remember the sadness I saw when I looked in their eyes.
 
Now tell me again ... whose life will never be the same again?

#seriouslyJodi

On Tuesday, Jodi Arias took the stand for the last time.

She stood in the Phoenix, Ariz., courtroom that had become her second home for the last several months – the courtroom where her lawyers, and she herself for 18 days, tried to convince a jury that she is a survivor of domestic violence and that she killed Travis Alexander in self defense. The jury didn’t buy it, nor did the general public, and she was found guilty of first degree murder last week.

As a final plea to ask for life in prison, instead of the death penalty (which would still keep her alive for many, many years), Arias took the stand. The 12 jurors, Alexander’s family and much of the country waited as the young woman, who looked as if she couldn’t hurt a spider, stood up to claim remorse and to say the two words we all knew we’d hear.

But she didn’t.

Instead, Arias gave a 19-minute speech sharing a PowerPoint slideshow of her life, gave examples of how sparing her from lethal injection would do the world – and her fellow prisoners – oh, so much good.

Like continuing to donate her hair to Locks of Love, and starting a recycling program with other inmates, selling the T-shirts she “designed” (that only has one word on it) to benefit victims of domestic violence, oh, and she would start a book club behind bars.

#seriouslyJodi  

This is the only good you could think of to do to change so many lives if spared the death penalty?

 She then told the jury how sentencing her to life in prison, versus death, would be a great gift to her family.

“Either way, I’m going to spend the rest of my life in prison. It’ll either be shortened or not. If it’s shortened, the people who will hurt the most is my family. I’m asking you please, please don’t do that to them," Arias said.

“I’ve already hurt them so badly along with so many other people. I want everyone’s healing to begin and I want everyone’s pain to stop.”

This is the family who means the world to her; the family she wants to be spared in having to see their Little Jodi put to death. The same family she always thought about – even when she stabbed, shot and slashed the throat of her ex-boyfriend Alexander?

Jodi, Jodi, Jodi … smh … there was one thing you forgot to say.

#imsorry

At some point, you have to put the papers down, Jodi. You have to look at yourself – inside yourself – and not a TV camera after TV camera, like you did following this final statement and whenever opportunity presented itself over the last several years.

Two simple words may have been what keeps you alive. It’s also what will finally take you out of the limelight. It’s what will close the book on your story.

A death sentence would allow you to do what you do best – lie and capture the world with your presence.

Now it all makes sense.

Keeping black history real

A few days ago, I was driving and listening to one of the music radio stations in Phoenix. The host of the particular show I was listening to took the obligatory “let’s recognize Black History Month moment” and shared with her listeners that that day’s historical honoree was ... drum roll, please ... Donna Summer.

I paused for a moment and tried to figure out what the five-time Grammy Award winner did, besides being an extremely talented singer, that warranted this type of  recognition.

Now, I love me some Donna Summer - “Last Dance” is one of my favorites from the Disco era - but unless there is some E! “True Hollywood Story” on the late singer planned that enlightens us all with more than the stellar recording career she had, I’m not sure that I agree with this particular honoree.

Now the fact that I was in the capitol of Arizona - the same Arizona that has spawned lawmakers that seem to have a different definition of “diversity” than the rest of us (think the MLK Day fiasco, Sheriff Joe and Madam Gov. Brewer), I shouldn’t have been so surprised.

But I was.

Once, twice, three times an abuser

On Thursday, newly-elected San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi was in court where he pled not guilty to misdemeanor counts of domestic violence battery, child endangerment and dissuading a witness. The charges are a result of a New Year's Eve encounter with his wife – Venezuelan TV actress Eliana Lopez – that allegedly became physical.

A neighbor to the couple reportedly received text messages from Lopez about the alleged incident and made a video in which – according to a police affidavit – Lopez says, "This is the second time this is happening ... I been telling him we need help and I'm going to use this just in case he wants to take Theo away from me because he did said that he is very powerful and can do it." Theo is the couple's 2-year-old son.

San Francisco Superior Court Judge Susan Breall has upheld an order barring Mirkarimi from contacting Lopez and their son despite pleas by both that the alleged incident is being blown out of proportion.

"The violence against me is I don't have my family together," Lopez said earlier this week. "I'm not afraid of my husband at all."

Many say he just grabbed her arm – allegedly, – didn't actually hit her and that the courts should allow them to move on … together. They say his actions – which he has admitted "something" took place – don't make him an abuser if it happened just this one time. So why not let this happy little family be under one roof, behind closed door, again to carry on with their lives?

Because regardless if this was the first time, one of many and/or will never happen again, there are clear signs that this situation is one of domestic violence.

Battle of the bald continues to ignore women of color

On Wednesday, I saw reports about a recently created Facebook fan page encouraging a new look for an old favorite – the Barbie doll.

The "Beautiful and Bald Barbie! Let's see if we can get it made" campaign, which began in early December, reported about 15,000 fans on Wednesday morning. Today, the page has more than 37,000 fans (I witnessed a 600 fan jump in a 15-minute time span last night).

The creators of the fan page say, "We would like to see a Beautiful and Bald Barbie made to help young girls who suffer from hair loss due to cancer treatments, Alopecia or Trichotillomania. Also, for young girls who are having trouble coping with their mother's hair loss from chemo. Many children have some difficulty accepting their mother, sister, aunt, grandparent or friend going from a long haired to a bald." [sic]

I commend these women for wanting to shed a greater light on the issue of how young girls are affected by cancer and other diseases, whether it is directly or indirectly. It is difficult enough growing up in a society where they are bombarded with looking a certain way, being the perfect size and wearing the right clothes and accessories without then having to try to fit in with their peers when they’ve lost their hair.

Reportedly, the two women, the growing fan base and others have deluged the Mattel company – maker of Barbie – with letters and phone calls, with their vote to create a new doll that would be so inspirational to tens of thousands young girls and would teach millions of others a little more about acceptance.

Mattel confirms it has received the requests, but reportedly doesn’t take ideas from outside sources. However, if the toy company does decide to create a doll for this segment of society, I’m not sure if I’m entirely on board with the idea.

New Year, New View, New YOU!

If your year was anything like mine, you are saying to yourself, “Boy ... I’m glad that’s over!”

I mean it wasn’t all bad. There were some things that were overwhelmingly great - for example I turned the Big 50 and got to spend it with family and many of the friends who mean so much to me. But all-in-all, it was a year of change and 12 months of challenges.

The economy has not gotten much better from when it tanked two years ago and the unemployment rate is still more than 8 percent in the U.S. This has affected friends and family members, not to mention my own household.

There are some of  you who lost a parent, a loved one, a colleague or friend. You’ve gained way more weight than you wanted to or became ill at some point during the year. You got tired, depressed, frustrated with life and vow that 2012 is going to be better than 2011 turned out to be.

Many are waiting for the clock to strike midnight on Dec. 31 so that you can toss out the old and begin with the new.

But what good is that going to do? How will turning a blind eye to what happened this year help you have a better one next year?

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “Those who ignore history are bound (or doomed) to repeat it,” right? If you haven’t - or hadn’t paid much attention to what it really means - know that having a successful New Year has less to do with ridding the old and embracing the new as much as it has to do with evaluating the old and creating a “new” that focuses on what makes you happy, complete and keeps you moving forward.

Too many people get stuck when things don’t go their way; I’m guilty of it myself. But I’ve learned that it’s at that time that, when you hit the roadblock, that you need to Stop, Think, Listen and Do:

STOP: When a “situation” or “event” occurs, the last thing you want to do is react. Sure, it may feel good and allow you to get even, which is your immediate goal, but when all is said and done, you will regret your actions or words at some level. Instead, don’t do anything, get to a quiet spot ASAP.

THINK: When you are over the immediate pain, confusion or sadness, ask yourself these questions - What just happened? Why did it happen? Where do I go from here?

LISTEN: Whether you believe in God, Allah, Jehovah, some Higher Power or the Universe, if you ask what to do next in any situation and tune out everything else, you will hear the answer. And I do mean “hear.”

DO: Now the hard part for many. Whatever “words” you hear, what sign you may receive, just do it! It might not be the answer you wanted, but that doesn’t matter. Too many of us do the opposite and find ourselves in the same or another place we aren’t happy with. Remember ... “Those who ignore history ... ?”

So instead of using the New Year to make a new path, I hope you realize that the path you are on is yours for a reason. Getting off of it will do more harm eventually.

Stay on the path, but look for the detours and take them. If you trip over a pothole, get up and keep going. Those friends and people along the side - if they don’t join you, root for you or give you a cup of water along the way, ignore them (and don’t think that is mean cause that is exactly what they are doing to you!)

Keep moving forward and look back only to see what not to do. And if you stay the right course and don’t waver, people and circumstances that aren’t supposed to be on your path, will drop by the wayside. No need to push them off the road, a truck will be by to take care of it if they remain on YOUR path.

Make the New Year about YOU - your hopes, your dreams, your health. Because if you aren’t around, what good will you be to anyone, much less yourself?

Originally printed at myshadesmagazine.net.

Waiting until tomorrow, may be too late

I was never at risk.

I’d had a couple of blood transfusions years ago, but my sexual activity didn’t put me even near an “at risk” level. And the last time that I know I was tested was during surgery or childbirth - again many years ago - back when it wasn’t kosher to just go out and find out your status.

But I was still afraid to enter the trailer one recent Sunday to get tested.

I think it was because I’ve always been a staunch HIV/AIDS awareness advocate who, fortunately, knew quite a bit about the virus and the disease it eventually morphs into.

It could have been because despite what you know, the stigma that still permeates our society, our cultures and too many of our churches still lurks just over our shoulder.

But it was probably because I know first hand what AIDS can do to a person and his or her family.

Read more inside the FREE Nov/Dec 2011 issue of shades ...

Also take a moment to check out my video: 

WORLD AIDS DAY: The battle rages on, especially for women of color | shades Magazine http://bit.ly/tOyELe