The sadness of it all

Where do I even begin?

Like many people across the country, I've just finished watching the first of three U.S. Presidential debates between the current Commander-in-Chief and former Vice-president Joe Biden. The worst thing about the debate is I don’t feel glad or mad. 

I feel sad.

I'm sad that two men wanting to lead America for the next four years, at minimum, acted less than presidential. And although I expected Trump to do so, I am shocked at some of the things that came out of his mouth. 

Probably the most appalling – and telling – was his response to if he would denounce white supremacists and tell them to stand down. His response was not being able to speak to a specific group or say exactly who these hateful individuals are, yet telling "them" to "stand back and stand by."

Stand back and stand by?!

If you do not understand what is wrong with his answer, then you are not my friend. Period. It was this statement that did it for me. It was this statement that my anger, my shock, my feigned disbelief ... it all turned to sadness. Not just for this statement, but for how Trump has handled everything he has ever put his finger on.

As we now know, this man who claims to care about human lives, made (and continues to make) poor decisions regarding the COVID-19 pandemic. The 19 is not the number of "covids" we've seen – like what former counsel to the president Kellyanne Conway once stated on air – but that it was identified in 2019. And to believe that the leader of the free world had little knowledge of it until March 2020 is ignorant. And because of his decisions, I am impacted in a way in which I never thought I would be.

For the first time in my 59 years, it has been 366 days since I've been able to hug my Mom. 

Because the president mishandled so many things early on so as to not make us "panic," I am having to experience a different type of loss from the woman who has always been there for me. I was unable to be by her side during a schedule surgery in April nor during eight weeks of radiation that followed. And there are other things I've missed – like everyone else – but all I can say is thank God (and Apple) for Facetime.

I know and empathize with everyone who won't be able to hug a loved one ever again ... but my frustration comes from the fact that we should not even be sad. 

But we are.